


Ace O'Neill Narrowly Thwarts Disaster and Chaos by Tenaya

by tenaya



Series: Ace O'Neill [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-04-26
Updated: 2001-04-26
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:14:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenaya/pseuds/tenaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ace O'Neill bravely faces a pivotal moment and saves the day. It is set during the episode, "Divide and Conquer."  Part two of the Ace O'Neill Series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ace O'Neill Narrowly Thwarts Disaster and Chaos by Tenaya

**Author's Note:**

> This series was written to illustrate a point about Mary Sues. It contains slash, and even worse, humor. I'd like to thank the makers of Red Dwarf for their unique influence on this series.

#### ACE O'NEILL SERIES: II

"There's no mistake?" drawled General Hammond as he tried to smother his urge to panic.

"I am very sorry. Both Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill have been identified as zatarcs. I'm afraid they must be confined," Anise announced solemnly, working hard to school her features into an expression of grave concern. Her effort was for naught because no one noticed there had been a change from the eerily blank look she usually wore.

Armed airmen, their weapons gripped tightly, moved uncertainly towards to O'Neill and Carter.

Hammond looked desperately unhappy. He took in a deep breath, preparing to utter an order he'd rather die than make.

Colonel O'Neill stepped forward and raised his hand. "If I may, General?"

Hammond looked relieved. "Please, Jack. I'm outta my depth here."

O'Neill turned sharply towards the shapely Tok'ra. "Alright, Anise. You've had your fun. I can't allow this to continue any longer." His bright brown eyes bore into her, paralyzing her with their intensity. Khaki BDUs fit snugly over his muscular body, emphasizing the contained power and easy grace of his lean body as he marched closer, glaring. "The zatarc detector was phony, wasn't it? You were controlling the results with a remote control that you concealed upon your person."

Puzzled, Hammond eyed the Tok'ra; what wasn't bare skin, was clad in skintight rubber that left nothing to the imagination. "Are you sure, Jack?"

"This outfit is designed to be pure unadulterated distraction, General. By wearing this, she guaranteed that no one would examine her too closely. The remote control is kept here." O'Neill carefully slipped two fingers along the skin colored straps that delved into the front of her pants and pulled out a slim, card-shaped keyboard.

Too late, she tried to stop him, but he swatted her hand away as he leaned in close. "I know what you snakes go for," he sneered.

He was so near; she was overwhelmed by his manly pheromones and her bosom heaved with the wanton need for O'Neill to tell her, yes Ra, please tell her what she desired!

"Small defenseless mammals," he said, disgustedly.

Oh, he did know! The words made Anise lick her lips hungrily.

"And the more cute and adorable the animal, the more you can't resist. You snakes are helpless for that deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, aren't you?"

A chorus of shocked gasps was heard and every head in the room turned as one towards Daniel Jackson. The resident archeologist's amazingly blue eyes widened as they flicked back and forth across the staring crowd. "What?" he demanded, alarmed and totally clueless.

Without turning his head, O'Neill instructed, "Daniel, close your mouth." There was a sharp click behind him.

"With us safely out of the way, you'd be free to request Daniel's presence on Vorash," O'Neill growled. "Probably on some lame-ass pretense of needing him to teach you the Dewey Decimal System."

"You mean this was all a ruse so that Anise…." sputtered the General, totally scandalized.

Angry, Teal'c aimed his zat gun at Anise as Carter lunged forward, shouting, "You BITCH!"

O'Neill held up his hands in a gesture that begged for restraint. "Steady on, team."

Made helpless from their strong emotions, they looked to O'Neill and waited for him to give them guidance.

"Actually Carter, it might be a Tok'ra-wide conspiracy. I caught the way the Tok'ra's Supreme High Councilor, Per'sus, was eyeing Daniel at our first meeting; he was either measuring him for a new suit or was picturing him _in_ his birthday suit. Either way, now that they now we're on to them, I think they'll back off."

"God, I hope you're right, Jack." General Hammond rung his hands nervously.

"What is going on? I hate it when no one explains to me what is going on!" Daniel's lower lip trembled from the stress of one of his full force pouts. The effect was electric and sighs — male and female — were heard all around. Anise's eyes glowed with lust — literally.

"General, now that we've exposed their hidden agenda, I believe it is still possible to go through with the treaty summit." His job here done, O'Neill slipped his arm around the lissome scholar. "Daniel, I believe that the President isn't expected for a couple of hours, yet. I'm sure that'll be enough time for me to explain this to you, privately." His hand drifted down until it was comfortably cupping Daniel's well-formed and perky behind as he steered the younger man out of the gate room.

"What a rogue," Hammond chuckled indulgently.

Sam and Janet clasped each other's hands. "They make such a cute couple."

Teal'c's shoulders slumped. "Even though I long for DanielJackson, I can find only joy within myself that he is under the protection of Colonel O'Neill."

"Under the Colonel," Carter and Janet groaned. They looked at each other, then their desperate eyes sought out Hammond. "General, are we done here? May we be dismissed?"

"Of course, ladies." He watched fondly as they scampered out. "I am truly blessed by having such a loving command."

Suddenly, all duty, he turned back to Anise. "Airmen! Put this, this _woman_ under guard and escort her to one of the guest rooms until the summit is about to commence. And get her something to cover up with, while you're at it."

Satisfied, he turned to Teal'c. "Well, it looks like it is just you and me, Teal'c. Would you care to join me for a non-fat raspberry and double mocha latte in the commissary?"

"Decaf?"

"Of course."

Teal'c bowed slightly. "I would be honored."

Hammond clapped his hand on the big man's shoulder and smiled. "Teal'c, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."


End file.
